Wishful Thinking

I wish that I didn’t feel so sick

that I wasn’t awake at 3:53 am worrying about my blood

that I didn’t fear going to the hospital as much as I fear being ill

that I could sleep soundly with the knowledge I’ll be taken care of

 

I wish that I could trust doctors.

that when I looked into their eyes I saw stars instead of dollar signs

that their pockets weren’t full of fancy, pharmaceutical pens

that their ears weren’t whispered in by vultures

that their minds weren’t infiltrated by parasites

that when they put a pill on my tongue I tasted a cure, not enslavement

 

I wish that people didn’t profit on zombies

that an intravenous drip wasn’t a chain to debt

that my life mattered more than money

that my mother’s soul mattered more than pens

 

I wish death were not a business.

I wish I didn’t even have to wish for this. 

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